When boy meets girl

Computer buddies

WHAT started off as a friendly chit-chat over ICQ (I Seek You, but known as IRC or Internet Relay Chat back then) has blossomed into an eight-year marriage for Nor Ashikin Alias and Maszeri Maiseh. But it almost didn’t happen when Maszeri found out his new Internet chat buddy wasn’t male. After all they were talking about male-dominated hobbies – American football and basketball – and Ashikin’s chat name “Ugnia”, wasn’t outright feminine. Luckily Ashikin managed to coax Maszeri into getting back on the chat track and after six months, they made plans to meet each other.

Maszeri Maiseh and Nor Ashikin Alias

Ashikin, 21 years old then, and Maszeri were both studying in the United States, but not in the same state. Ashikin, 33, now, says: “He drove all they way down south from Arizona to Arkansas to see me. That’s 21 hours of driving.” Ashikin recalls that she was nervous about the first meeting but could feel some chemistry between them. She also remembers liking what she saw. “I wanted someone with a Chinese look and no moustache.” Maszeri, whose mother is Chinese, fit the bill, although he did grow a moustache later.

They met again only once more before they returned to Malaysia following their graduation. But they didn’t get hitched immediately. Like in America, they were separated by distance as Maszeri lived in Malacca while Ashikin’s home was in Terengganu. As IRC wasn’t available in Malaysia then, the couple resorted to snail-mail and when that took too long, they racked up their phone bills. It took four years of courtship before the two finally became husband and wife. The eldest in a family of seven, Ashikin says her priorities then was to earn enough money to help support her siblings before settling down.

Although Ashikin says her main intention of using the IRC was never to hook up, all five of her female housemates ended up married to guys they met at the Internet chat-room. The thought of dating her university mates never crossed Ashikin’s mind as she treated them like abang and adik (brothers).

Ashikin, who says Maszeri, 35, was her first and only boyfriend, counts herself lucky not to have been the subject of conmen. “Those days, we were the first few to use IRC. Everyone was quite honest. These days, it’s easy to get cheated by men who are after your money.” Ashikin remembers one girl who, after chatting, sent money for the guy to fly over. “But when he saw her photo, he decided to keep the money!”

For Ashikin, dating over the Internet had its own share of problems. “Your words get misinterpreted all the time, and you have to spend time and money making phone calls to explain. Sometimes he said 'meet' me at 7pm and he didn’t turn up. It was stressful, too.” But Ashikin feels that having that six-month relationship solely via Internet gave her time to understand and interpret what kind of person Maszeri was. Plus, her girlfriends helped her check out Maszeri through his friends.

Although Ashikin believes in successful ICQ set-ups, she never bothered telling her parents how she got acquainted with Maszeri although she did send them pictures of him. “How was I going to explain to my parents what IRC was? Jumpa melalui komputer? (Met through the computer?) Huh?”